I have found my way back to the land of blogging. It hasn’t been easy. Things haven’t gone quite as I expected them to. But as I stop and think of the last 12 months I would say nothing has gone as I expected it to. When my original blog disappeared I was determined to start fresh at a new blogging site with a new title. Then I spent three days trying to come up with a new title that no one else had been smacked up the side of the head with. But apparently there’s been lots of smacking going on. So I decided to keep my blog space here at WordPress and continue using the name I chose years ago. I haven’t blogged since last August so I have forgotten a lot of what I’ve learned about coding it over the years. I’m hoping it will come back to me over time. So, it may not look too great yet. But my hope is that over time it will look better each time you come visit me.
Last April I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Ovarian Cancer. I had a complete hysterectomy. After six weeks of recovery I had to undergo six chemotherapy treatments, each one three weeks apart. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t expected. But I made it through. Some of the side effects of chemotherapy is chemo brain. Chemo brain is a term used to describe thinking and memory problems that occur after cancer treatment. So, thanks to chemo brain I’m still having problems remembering words, how to complete tasks, make me disorganized, make it difficult for me to concentrate…the list goes on. It started about halfway through my chemo treatments. I thought it would get better when I finished chemo but it comes in waves. Some patients don’t even notice the change. I think mine is so bad because I also have fibromyalgia so I already have fibro brain, which is very similar. I did a whole series about these things on my now long lost blog. I guess that means I can rewrite it all again, doesn’t it. Anyway, I just had my first 3 months check this week and we will now be comparing all my tests based on these results. CA125 is the cancer marker in blood tests that mark for ovarian cancer. This week’s CA125 was 22.3. In three months I will have it done again. As long as it stays in that general area all will be well – no ovarian cancer. So far so good!
The thing that taught me how to hold my head up and fight my cancer like a warrior is watching my dad fight his laryngeal cancer for the last 3 years.
That is my dad and me in 2012. He fought his cancer for 3 years. In 2013 he had chemo every single week. When I got my “all clear” I hated to call and tell my parents because I knew that he wasn’t getting his “all clear”. But I learned how to fight my cancer by standing by him while he fought his. I told him that he was my inspiration for my fight during our visit with them at Thanksgiving. He was deeply touched. I was so grateful that I could tell him. I went back up for a week at Christmas. The day after Christmas he died at our home. I spent two years telling Ron “I don’t know how to let my dad die”. He was my best friend. If anything was every bothering me, anytime in my adult years, he’s the one I talked to. I remember many time sitting up late at night talking to him. If I needed anything I didn’t think twice to ask him. There was a time in my life that I was scared of him – when I was a kid. But as an adult I learned to identify with him. I realized when the day actually came for me to let him die that I still didn’t know how to do it. Even now, 5 weeks later, I still don’t know how to let my dad die. But I know it’s time to let him go. I can’t pretend he’s sitting up there 300 miles away in his chair. He taught me more than how to fight my cancer. One day I will put all of those lessons down here. But one lesson at a time.
So, hopefully, that all explains a little bit to you about where I’ve been in the last year. It’s been a life changing year. It was a year unlike any I’ve ever had. So, while I don’t know where my other blog is. I’m kind of glad to just start over. No, I don’t remember a lot about getting my way around a blog anymore. But just like I did before I will figure it out. Maybe you can help me. This is my second time around the block. But really it feels more like my first time around the block.