The past year has been a year of celebration. While I’ve questions, I’ve had a lot of answers. And while I live with a reminder that will always remind me of what has happened to me each year I hope it will remind me of the years that God has blessed me with healing. I wasn’t sure in the very beginning. But this scar will always remind me God has touched me and healed me.
I could hardly wait to get to this day to update. Today, October 29, 2013, is my One Year Anniversary of being Cancer Free!
That is a year ago today! As I sit back and think about what has happened in the last 567 days since I was told I had cancer to this day I can’t be sure it happened to me. It’s like it happened to someone else I know. I’ve experienced every emotion possible in the list of emotions. I tried to overshadow my overwhelming fear! I think the only person who really saw my actual emotion about the fear was my doctor. I remember the day he took me in his little “house of horrors” room and told me I had cancer. I’m sure he said a lot more. But I remember finding a spot someone where in the room and completely checking out. I remember my body going completely cold. I don’t recall if I cried or not. My husband was there and I know he was as scared as I was. I know he needed someone to support him – someone to stand by him and hold him up –
I was not that person. My mind had stopped cold in it’s tracks. I had not heard anything beyond the words “you have cancer”. The emotions and fears in this list are the things that haunted me for weeks to come. I have Stage II Ovarian Cancer. Five days later I had a complete Hysterectomy with Everything that makes me a woman removed. After healing from surgery I had port put into my chest for my chemotherapy. Then I was ready to go.
That is when the real fear began. My dad had been fighting the cancer battle for 3 years. He had felt a lot of the emotions in the box above. But he had always fought on. I wasn’t sure if I was as strong as him. I had a dear friend start a support group for me on Facebook. I was encouraged by them. I was able to share positive thoughts and powerful scriptures with them. Sharing them did encourage me. But I did still have to walk in to that chemo room and have the nurses inject the poison into my body and kill living healthy cells. I knew everyone was praying for me. I fought my fear, claimed the promises on God’s Word and leaned on the strength of the friends and family I knew loved me. And one day I woke up, packed my chemo bag and Ron and I took off to the doctor’s office for my first chemo. Here are some pictures:
i Choose a chair close to a window so I could see the sky. My cap was from my Arlington, TX gang. All of them signed the inside with encouraging notes. The beautiful prayer shawl I’m wearing was made for me from my best friend’s new mother-in-law. It touched me so much. I brought it every single time! My necklace was a gift from my local girlfriend. It’s an Origami style with a pink breast cancer ribbon, a cross and a card that says HOPE. I love all of them still!!!!
The tubes are each pumped into my port! They burn at first. Then you don’t feel anything – well not until last at home. The lady in blue with the Mickey Mouse ears is a terrific chemo nurse – her name is Krisha. She was funny and knew exactly what she was doing. Her calling was to be a chemo nurse! Perfect match!
As the Year ended I was relieved. I celebrated and looked forward to a new year of being normal. Normal wasn’t quite what I got. I had a lot of ups and downs but I was glad to know that I wouldn’t have to deal with chemo any longer. I was anxious to get to my parents at Thanksgiving to visit my dad – who was still suffering terribly with Laryngeal Cancer – to tell him that fully believed that the purpose of HIS cancer was to show me how to fight my cancer with a strong fight! He had been suffering for so long and had asked my husband, in a number of their late night conversations, WHAT the purpose was for his cancer. I truly believe I watched him boldly fight year after year and month after month to live so that when MY cancer came up I would know that I could fight it boldly and strongly like he did. I told him this at Thanksgiving. The next month, December 26th, 2013, he passed away. His fight was over. He showed me how to fight the biggest battle of my life and then he knew his battle was done. He rejoices now with the Father. Now I rejoice in remission for us both! What a blessing!